Sugarcoated no longer
by Akkadia
Summary: Dean's been holding his emotions in ever since that day he saw Cass go into the water that day. All that was left of the angel was the trench coat. Now Dean has seen the coat again and the dam is about to break. 1st Destiel fic please read and review!


A/N: Okay my first attempt at Destiel. It will no doubt suck since I've never shipped these two before in a fic but please give me a try?

Disclaimer: Does owning the first 6 seasons box sets count? (lawyers shake head) No? well then nope I don't own them.

Salt water. That's all it was droplets of salt water…that were running down his cheeks out of his bloodshot eyes. He was crying. He was crying and he wasn't doing a thing to hold the tears back.

Sam looked Dean wide-eyed in shock. He had never seen his big brother like this before. The only time he had seen Dean in this state of mind was when he had told him what he did while he was down in the pit. But this didn't even come close to what he was seeing now. "Dean?" Looking down he noticed something partially covered sitting on the bottom of the trunk. Then it hit him. He knew why his brother had broken down but now he had no idea what to do about it.

Dean was leaning against the impala. His entire body was shaking with sobs. "Shut the trunk, Sam please." He choked out. He had seen it, the tan trench coat. He had been so sure it was out of sight but safe…just in case. He hadn't looked at since the day he had put I tin the trunk after drying it out.

Sam shut the trunk and moved to put an arm around his brother only to be shrugged off. "You know what Dean, no one is around. This road is deserted. If you need to get this out I'll take a walk so you can be alone."

Dean wiped at his eyes. "What are you talking about Sam? I'm fine."

Sam shook his head sighing. "Dean it's been nearly a year. You've been holding this into long. When Cass-"

"Don't even say that name around me Sam." Dean said growling through his sobs. "I don't even want to think of that damn bastard again."

"Well you're going to think of him. Because his death is slowly killing you." Sam said. "Dean you did this before with dad and he was our father for Pete's sake. Cass, I don't know what Cass really was to you but it only took you a few weeks to vent about Dad's death. But you haven't done a thing yet about this?"

Dean turned around forcefully and glared at his brother cursing the fact he had to look up to look him in the eye. "What the hell am I supposed to do Sam? When dad died I vented I took my anger out and I managed to feel better. When we killed Yellow Eyes Dad helped and even though he disappeared I'm sure he ended up where Mom is. But with Cass…" The tears started anew and Dean was getting highly irritated. Why the hell was he crying so damn hard about the stupid angel who had betrayed him?

"I've watched you and Cass, Dean." Sam leaned against the trunk of the Impala. "I am not going to jump to conclusions but if didn't know any better I'd say you were in love with him."

Dean looked at his brother wide-eyed. "What?"

"Well not 'in love with him' in love with him. But Dean there was something there." Sam said. "I saw how he affected you. He hurt you in more ways then one. I had my suspicions and now I'm sure I'm right."

"I wasn't in love with him Sam." Dean said not trusting his own words. "I-I don't what I was"

"If it wasn't love then it had to have been more. You weren't this bad when you lost Lisa and Ben." Sam said only then remembering he had been warned not to say those names to his brother.

Dean also remembered the threat but did nothing to back it up this time. He couldn't see clearly through his tears anyway to make any attempt to swing at his brother. So he's let this one slide this one time. "Maybe it was more. I don't know. Cass he-"

Sam opened trunk again and pulled out the trench coat. He held it out to his brother. "Get it out of your system."

"Sam-"

"No Dean. You need to get it out before do something you know you will regret later." Sam said shoving the coat into his brother's hands and pointing to an abandoned area just offside the road. "I'll wait in the car so you can have your privacy."

Before Dean had a chance to respond Sam had already climbed back into the car. He wanted to throw the coat back in the trunk and wipe the tears away and pretend is little 'moment' hadn't even happened but he knew he couldn't. He knew that Sam was right. He clutched the trench coat to his chest and walked a fair distance into the woods.

Once he was out of earshot he held the coat tighter and felt the tears burn his eyelids. At first he had no idea what he was going to do. But then he pictured the angel in his mind and the next thing he knew he opened his mouth. "Castiel you son of a bitch!" Dean shouted through his tears. "You betrayed me! You took everything from me! You took Sam you took Lisa and Ben and you weren't around to save Rufus and Bobby! Hell even Gabriel's gone and I didn't even like him that much. " Dean had no idea why these words were pouring out of his mouth at the same rate the tears were pouring out of his eyes. All he knew was the next words he spoke were going to change everything. "I loved you Cass. I loved you and you betrayed me."

Dean went wide-eyed. Did he actually just say that aloud? No he couldn't have. But he knew it was true. Sam had been right. He did love the angel. He wasn't sure if it was romantic or platonic. He knew it wasn't brotherly though. Unsure of his feelings anymore Dean held the trench coat to his heart and fell to his knees. He didn't bother to hold back the tears any longer. He collapsed falling to the ground completely striking his head against the rock.

"Dean."

He knew that voice. He knew it and he didn't want to hear it. But at the same time it was the most wonderful sound in the world right now.

"Dean, look at me."

Dean opened his green eyes only to have them greeted by a familiar deep blue. He knew those eyes. "It can't be."

"It isn't. Or maybe it is."

Dean sat up. "You. How can you be?"

"You're not conscious Dean. But that doesn't matter. I'm here now." Castiel said as he walked forward reaching for the trench coat. "I believe that's mine."

Dean said nothing as the coat was taken from his hands. He snatched it back. "No, this I all I have left of you."

"Dean give me my coat and I will give you something in return." Castiel assured him.

"What could you possibly give me in return for my most prize possession?" Dean asked looking up at the angel.

"The answer to the question burning in your mind and soul this very minute." Castiel said as he knelt in front of Dean. "Besides, I too would like to know the answer to the question."

Before Dean could ask what the question was realized he already knew. But wait Cass also wanted to know? Did that mean he too- "Cass?"

Castiel said nothing as he leaned forward and pressed his lips against his humans in a gentle kiss.

Dean had kissed many women in the passed and yes during a drunk party he had to peck the lips of another guy during a pointless game of spin the bottle. None of those kisses even came to close to comparing to what he was feeling this very moment. He felt hot, cold anger confusion, hatred forgiveness, basically every emotion known to man. But there was something else there too, something he couldn't explain.

Castiel cautiously wrapped his arms around Dean's waist pulling him closer. He deepened the kiss wanting to taste the other man's lips more. He couldn't get enough and it was driving him crazy.

Dean pulled away gasping for breath. "Cass I-"

"I know Dean I know." Castiel said as he held the other man close to him. "I'm sorry Dean. I can't even begin to describe how sorry I am. I never intended to hurt you and I won't ask for your forgiveness."

Dean placed his hand the angel _his_ angel's mouth. "Cass? Shut up and kiss me."

Castiel obliged happily capturing Dean's lips in a heated kiss.

Dean returned the kiss with every ounce of his being. He needed this. He didn't care if it was real or not it was better than nothing.

Castiel could sense the want in Dean's kiss and he pulled the other man closer. There was a desire of his own he couldn't quite begin to understand. All he knew was he needed Dean.

Dean broke the kiss a second time. "Cass, what about your father? Doesn't God disapprove of stuff like this?"

Castiel sighed deeply. "Dean my Father works in mysterious ways. Yes he does prefer relationships to be between a man and a woman but he has made exceptions. Plus I know he just wants us to be happy."

"Yeah well after all the Bull I've gone through I think I deserve a little happiness." Dean grumbled. "But knowing my luck it won't lasts. It never lasts."

Castiel held Dean tightly against him. He could feel his human's heart racing. "I know Dean and I'm sorry. I wish I could make it all better but I can't."

"Cass, please just shut up." Dean pleaded. "I know this can't be real. I don't feel this content in real life. But I don't care. Just please stay with me a little longer."

"As you wish Dean. I will stay as long as I can." Castiel whispered as the two of them fell to their knees. He stroked the other man's brown hair and kisses his temple. "Just sleep Dean."

Dean didn't want to sleep. He didn't want to lose this. He tilted his head so he could capture his angel's lips again. He needed to kiss him again at least one more time. "Cass I love you."

Castiel exhaled harshly and felt tears on his cheeks. Tears he didn't even know he had the ability to shed. "I love you too Dean."

Hearing those words spoken. Dean felt his eyes close. He felt at peace if even for a moment.

"Dean? Hey Dean wake up man!"

Dean's eyes snapped open and he found Sam hovering over him. "Huh what?"

"Dude you all right?" Sam asked concern dripping from his words. "You were gone for like an hour. I didn't think it would take you that long to get it out of your system."

Dean pushed himself up. "Sorry Sam. I didn't mean to scare you."

"It's all right Dean." Sam said with a small smile. "But I think whatever you did this past hour helped."

Dean smirked. "Oh yeah and what makes you say that?"

Sam pointed down. "That should speak for itself."

Dean looked down to find he had subconsciously been covering himself with the trench coat. Not only that but his lips felt warm and tingly…

A/N: Yep that sucked. Oh well it was worth a shot...get it this is a one-shot and it was worth a shot (falls over laughing) Yeah okay well if anyone liked it please review and let me know!


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